i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In America we eat man semen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
