Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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