Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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