I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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