she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
