I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
