No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
