I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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