at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
