He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We got so high we made milksteak
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
