Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
