...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Randomize
