So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
