Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
