This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
