your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
