just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
