i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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