Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
