Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
