Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You made out with two different species that night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
