I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
