i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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