Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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