Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
