im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
