So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm jealous of your bromance
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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