I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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