I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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