Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
