can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
