My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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