somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
