I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
