You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
