i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
