none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
