gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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