dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
