I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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