you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
