Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
