oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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