Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
