somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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