he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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