Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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