my soul wont recognize me after tonight
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
