I met the friendliest cop last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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