me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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