that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
